I am beginning from here on a series that will build on the last one written, so here goes Nr. 1.

Let’s start with a small introduction to our ancestral maybe genetic addiction, but first since the words easily get mixed, I’ll use for each of the words that I begin attaching a certain meaning the same colour, pink. Each word that gets explained with pink colours should then for my texts become a new word, about which you can’t have any knowledge yet. Everything said will then slowly build up the meanings I intend to put there. When the same word comes up and isn’t coloured, then you are free to think your usual thoughts.

The important stuff all out of the way, let’s get to a probably very unimportant fact. You don’t know yourself, but assume to know yourself. You are a many faced hydra. Not just three sadly (body, mind and emotion for those that are slightly aware), it’s more in the thousands. Every different thought that you MAY slowly learn to separate one from another is all a different identity. I do this, I do that. I don’t be-have, but I have. I do this but then you know.. I … I  ah bugger it all. You prefer to see yourself in all the different identities but therein lies a great error, for it never brings you closer to knowing yourself inherently. You’ll know yourself seperately, acting as if it were one big whole. You can’t begin whole, well you do, but then then after a few years everything you know of yourself and the world around you, is shred to different identities.
You always act from one personal identity to another.
The pretence that this isn’t so, is also one.
All of these identities range from very simple to very complex.
Since you have no idea of who or what you are, do from day to day, yet act as if you know yourself, is where your whole conundrum rests on. The act of supposedly knowing strengthens your own haziness, in a way that you factually don’t exist for you have no base of data that brings all your so called knowledge about yourself under one wing.
The outside and inside wrong blaming only creates a hazier and wronger image of yourself, as you may slowly find out, as I am still finding out.

Seeing yourself rightly is all that’s needed to slowly change. Change not in the sense of you acting on thoughts, but actual change. Such apparently different behaviour, that it has nothing to do with any of your behaviour before. Don’t assume that this means getting rid of certain of your habits. First of all get to know them all and how they work with you and your own surroundings. The going goes by itself if that’s needed, not because you want to. Change itself if it were an entity on itself does not give one Fuck about you. It does what it wants, when it wants. You wanting it, only makes it wait.
Even the worst of habits, that still haven’t left your life, can be key constituents of moments still to come, where exactly such habits can bring you in contact with other people. As long as we don’t assume to know how things must go.

I’ll just assume you already agree with me in one way or another, or you’re just curious, anyway let’s dive nose first in the rabbit hole. (Open them nostrils far and wide, for you are about to sniff some deep shit).

Outside Blaming:

We need to see where this begins. These identities may be fed by society, your parents, friends, copy cat behaviour, and yet herein lies another grave error, you can’t blame any of them, for accepting yourself any behaviour as being the right way to act and consequently to act out of.

The state of the world, nature, people, all suffering in general may be your striving point to do good. Every intention to better the world, creates a reason to act in a certain way, but it never comes out of your own. The mind patches it up and makes it seem as if it is your intention and not how you are conditioned, but that’s kind of how most things in mind’s language seem to work.

For example, you act nice, because you see so much bad people, to counteract. You want to clean behind yourself, because there is already so much dirt in nature. You wash yourself because otherwise you stink. What this all boils down to, in almost all your interactions, you act in one way, because such and so on is so.
Motivations range from god, betterment, self-indulgence, greed and all that other goodness. All these are two-pronged ( IF X THEN Y ) ways of living. The only way for ( IF X THEN Y ) to work is through the brain with thinking. You see how similar this is to a computer, a machine?

Only machines act in an ( IF X THEN Y ) fashion. For a machine, a robot, to act robotic is of course all natural. For a human to act humanely is the same, natural and yet we destroy our humane-ity by doing ( IF X THEN Y ) as a machine because many of the X’s are not necessary in the running of the machine. With X’s dropped out, life goes smoother. As long as ( IF X THEN Y ) is active within you, a human can’t be humanely. Because all these X’s intercept and change dramatically the end result of Y and the way in which we view X’s. This misinterpretation stops them from becoming or being made unconscious. (Overdoses of drugs, too much anger, incessant fighting and other glorious things are some results but also just learning points).

What if it also could be lived as (BECAUSE Z) = (BODY = Z = CHANGE)? Cutting off the reason in your actions, speech, attention directed at X and thought. In a way your: (BODY becomes Z = CHANGE) whereas before (X is so brain makes body do Y). In the way of (BODY = Z = CHANGE) the X doesn’t disappear. Whatever you do, you are. The reason for doing Z is simply because that is what is natural at this moment. You don’t lead by example, you are the example. For leading by example, the ( IF X THEN Y ) is still active. It’s some form of activism and generally doesn’t have the effect you intend it to have. Your intentions are too good to be true to you. To lead by example always is because of one ulterior motive. It’s still not just natural doing. In quite a funny way, there is no example to set, only be yourself, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Being yourself means X and Y no more, at the specific activity where X and Y have been made unconscious.

Examples of both ways of living: (for the rest find your own examples)

Do you want to have an example of (BODY = Z = CHANGE)? Sure no problem. Let’s for example take your house, the dust that settles in your house.

(IF X THEN Y): IF X = (Ahh the eyes see dust everywhere) THEN  Y=(Brain sends out signals to pick up the broom and the body begins moving the muscles to bring the dust to one or a few points to then be thrown out)

(BODY = Z = CHANGE): Your body loses dead skin cells. The dust is in fact you. You naturally get rid of the old, gone you. Such may even be an immense pleasure to get rid of the old you. Thus naturally the old you, dust, gets removed.
Another one related to the body, would be to periodically get rid of the dead skin cells and excesses of body products. The sweating, pissing, shitting, farting, breathing and cum dumps.
You read a book. How the book becomes an extension of you, becomes you, is actually quite simple. The book yes you can touch it, but you ain’t reading it because you can touch it, but because you can read it. It’s only information for your eyes, which you ingest, as almost everything around you. Depending on your creativity, the mind may imagine a lot of good stories, imagery, fall back in memories bygone. If you give enough attention and interest to the book, you may store the information in your brain. Depending on your interest and repetition the information might stay. The information alone, the knowledge though is far less superior than might be assumed. Knowledge alone of what one ought or not to do, is just that. Unless the book becomes your body, truly your body, in it’s actions and not just repeated till you blind yourself, put yourself to sleep with lovely words, that book has actually been worthless. Words are the seeds for actions, yet not action itself.

It may be quite practical for you, once this is understood to ingest, read, practical ways of doing (BODY = Z = CHANGE), by removing all the unnecessary X’s. There are of course  a lot of X’s and Y’s in your surroundings. Then you will of course first deny the need to live in a Z way, then you will try to do anything the Z way. You will be the faker then, as it still ain’t natural behaviour. Forced behaviour or otherwise has nothing natural, authentic.  As gradually your X’s become internalised, unconscious, other’s dropped out, the Z way sets in by itself. Living harmoniously but authentic with yourself and other beings, in my experience at least. I ain’t no expert by any means, but I try living it.

Data Collection: (for self-knowledge of what you actually do)

The study of X and the resulting Y:

To study X you do actually truly need your brain. ALL X’s are the same, no matter what source they come from, as reasoning to become or do Y. Just the same as that your whole complete, non-withstanding Identity is fully compromised and MADE UP of X and Y.

In the model [yes it’s only a model to help you understand yourself, I don’t make any claim about there being any truth to it, as I simply can’t know for sure. I do make it as simple as possible, but such is only possible for I have made it slowly more simple from more complex ways of explaining it before from other writers. Usually with less (on my side) coherence. Actually the reason I write this whole text, is because I realised that I have no coherent speech of how I experience this world. I know others who are able to speak for hours about what they work on, their writings. My knowledge is often only bits and pieces, ascertained by myself. So this text is an essay of bringing a whole and coherent piece of what I’ve come to understand. I can only do that, because I tested this myself, how true it feels for me and unless you do the same, this will stay naught but a withering seed, unused within you to wither away at your death. This seed can grow only through you shredding and tripping through these words. Trying to say this without my words, but based on your experience. (Hence the years it may take) You only come up with different words, when you try out to live in such a way.] of ( IF X THEN Y ) every X is an accumulated or single identity of yours, which all have a huge impact on Y. The thinking is full of X. All of life, all different spheres of life are suffused with X’s. Your body has far too many X’s stamped, nailed in. Societal ways of living together, marred, destroyed by X’s and Y’s.
In a way the separation of X/ Y and their seeming difference (because you assume, without knowing for sure whether there is a separation, based on your senses) are what makes you a machine. X has always been your body just as much as your Y, and everything you touch and do is Y.

It has always been you, that at one point accepted X and Y as being inherent to yourself, albeit fed from outside. Just as much as that you are an equal influence to other people in the same way.
It is vital that you accept that it is you who acts in such a way. It is always and has always been you and No Body Else. Your lips that move, your hands that take and give, your feet that take you everywhere.

To correct this, all you have to do, not that such is an easy task after all those years of habitually using X’s and Y’s for all reasoning, is to allow yourself to set your own body in the middle of all your problems and experiences. Your body having made all those actions.
Another error would be to blame yourself, because you’d still be blaming the hazy image of yourself instead of truly yourself. In Z there is no blaming, whatsoever. Blame is X and is always directed at X, never at Y. People talking from a (IF X THEN Y) perspective only engender further X’s in those they talk to, except those that function in the Z way or are beginning to act from it, can through observation become more Z. To do so and see this happen is necessary to at one point drop the X.

Another small conundrum is the words we use. They become static almost not moving entities. Completely stripped of their actual meaning, which get further diversified by everybody else, who attaches their own personal experience on almost every word. When you use a word, speak only of the action it entails, nothing else. Seeing, eyes. Touch, hand. Instead of I see, I touch. I to be your body only. Not in a way that negates your personality or true expression. A lot of confusion does come from this wrong placement of the words. Speech is only your throat vibrating, yet you identify (X) yourself with your speech, because your ears can hear and pick up that experience. Also again the body that does it all. In our representation of our own actions we see only mind and speak of the mind. All of experience is body (Z) experience, our misinterpretation makes it to a (If X then Y) experience.

It takes many years just to be able to say yes I smoke this and that much.
I eat this amount of food, and this type of quality of food.
I say this and that.
I lust after naked bodies every day and so on.
Leave all comparison out of this equation.
Just state bluntly for yourself and the people where this matters (not everybody) what you do and what amount of it you do. There is no need to be honest to everybody.

This can be made clear in:    SAY AS YOU DO! (Leave Do as you say out of the equation for the moment).

The transition from ( IF X THEN Y ) to (BODY = Z):

Studying the X’s makes you aware of how much those X’s control everything from day to day for you. Being aware of it helps. The closer you get, intimately with all your differing X’s the more you get to know of yourself.
Unless you are sure that you are actually living as a machine, you can’t untangle the mess you seem to live in.

This alone let’s you correct your own self-image, to a less smoky and hazy version. This process eliminates wrong blaming slowly.
At this point self improvement is still completely unnecessary, for whatever changes, can only change by getting a clearer image of yourself. The changing goes as if by magic, trickle by trickle.

Why does the change happen by itself you may ask yourself. It is very simple. You finally begin to get a grip on what you actually are doing. Whereas before intent on self improvement you, transform the bad experiences you have into X’s to change them into Y’s. (As an image, you have one fluid and two kinds of balls. The balls you box and gnash at. They warble around and well is that how you SEE clearly?) That’s all mechanical, mental machine actions. You stop seeing what you do, because you already try to see it as what it could, should or must become. You only see yourself half at best. Truly looking at what you do, without needing to internally or externally change anything of it, it’s not mixed with what it could, should or must become. As I already said, the X’s don’t disappear. You will still see them all and think and want to change, but in some part you slowly just look at what you do. It takes a lot of strength to do that. It can only happen over longer periods. Hence it takes years to some. Others just don’t get there. That’s fine. It becomes a further X that everyone should live as (BECAUSE Z). Another X is trying to live and catch this present moment. The moment is far too flimsy for you to get a hold of.
Any idea of infinity and endless possibility = X. Spirituality = X.

You will of course find along the way many ways of ‘self-improvement which purport to be a Z already’. My take would be, try them out and find out how shitty they are for yourself. You get nowhere, without having a very clear image of yourself, of what you DO. You find gurus, sages and many other people, friends and foe alike that all know better. Be grateful for them that they know better if they even are able to accept their own behaviour that is. Just remark how someone who seemingly knows interacts with you and how you react because you trust someone enough to know better than you, until you don’t anymore. Don’t blame, but learn.

So other people’s words of wisdom are nothing more than a seed. Just one small infinitely small seed. On it’s own it’s worthless because it is very akin to the hazy image you have/ had of yourself, if it isn’t fed by actual living data. Whichever words/ seeds of wisdom work for you, in your own case, time will tell.

The change can only happen, when your X‘s those that are inherent to you are made unconscious. That your unconsciousness does the work, that used to be done actively by your brain. Why this unconsciousness you may ask? Look at the mind, what does it do? It thinks and wants to understand. It places X’s and Y’s in a certain spot in your mind. It will go back to that spot, even if the X or Y have already changed into further different X’s or Y’s. For one day only, this can’t do so much damage, but over time this wrongly created mental picture only gets vaguer. Your actions become much vaguer. From there on, only worse, for these are the foundations you build your identity on. Nothing stable as you can see. It’s dead and unstable. Z is never stable, but in an alive way, without those built up mental pictures that just don’t fit anymore. The discussion that the way people usually think is an active way of thinking is then almost a necessary one, for you to have with yourself, me and I. All the X’s that are not inherent to you, the bad weeds so to say uproot themselves through being honest about their existence. Just because you see them clearly as they are and not as what they could be improved into.

The X’s are of an immense diversity and actual complexity. The closer you find yourself and get to know (see) yourself, only more diversity and complexity show up, yet the principal beauty of it is that the X’s that remain active in you are handled unconsciously and thus a very freeing sense of being can settle in. Weightless to some.

(BODY = Z):

In other words, your senses are the data digester. Without your senses you’d literally be blind in a sense that every sense just ain’t there. Existence (as in knowing you exist) ain’t possible without mind and senses. ONLY through your body. Your body’s eyes see, not the brain. Your mouth tastes, not the brain. Your skin touches, not the brain. Your nose smells, not the brain. Your sexual organs get aroused, not the brain. The body is always first, then only comes the brain, to translate that into thought. So we see with our eyes, but it’s actually our thoughts that mix into what we see. Thus we take the focal point of our eyes and shred the context. We don’t see anymore, but think to see. Our senses are robbed of their duty by the mind thinking it can encompass all senses, rule them so to say.
You read a book. How the book becomes an extension of you, becomes you, is actually quite simple. The book yes you can touch it, but you ain’t reading it because you can touch it, but because you can read it. It’s only information for your eyes, which you ingest, as almost everything around you. The brain puts it to memory. At some point of time later on, the necessary experience is there and this memory surfaces to finally be understood. The seed of this memory has matured.

The most Z process, which because it is not in opposition to X’s or Y’s (Y’s which can become X’s again to others or yourself) is simply looking at yourself and getting a clearer image at how you behave in every regard of your whole life. That is the penultimate Z, which leads to slowly correcting what can be corrected.
For your body to be itself, speech and general body expression needs to let go of all X’s. Speech needs to get out because speech will never be the essence of life, as you don’t even know yourself the essence of life and trying to catch it is like running after a receding line. The separation from the essence is (IF X THEN Y) and by now you may realise how unpleasant and encumbering that is. So yes you can separate yourself from essence but not to your own benefit.
Emotions when halted because of many X’s, are not free. Speech and emotion go hand in hand. Speech is naked without emotion. Emotion is the flesh of speech. Speech can’t thus have any true effect without unhindered emotion. Your body’s expression is also fleshless, soulless, with every X holding it back from just doing.
The expression from the body (speech, behaviour, thought, intuition) when free is a very necessary part of living as long as it’s not taken as the ultimate truth, because it engenders further change in and around you, your actions and those that meet your actions.
To be able to express freely, you can’t either hide any part of yourself or your body. Your body may seem wrong to you, look off, different, malformed, but in reality, we are all different anyway. Why ought your specific different not be the way it is now? Don’t hide what you believe to be wrong of yourself. It’s very unpleasant living like that, to hide parts of yourself.

So to recapitulate:
Let your senses do their own work. Let your emotions flow. Do and speak freely until you understand the better way to live, which then settles in on it’s own. At least you didn’t let your way of living be dictated, but out of your own conviction (unconscious X’s and Y’s). Let the thinking happen until it’s done about a certain part of your life. About sexuality, try out and see what works for you. This may take some time but we are all unique, so also are our ways of living and our speeds of healing from whatever we face in life.

The process of change:

Change happens roughly, sometimes only 1 day of the week, sometimes only a few seconds or minutes only to then not seem to happen for months, sometimes it takes years. These all slowly add up to your data base of yourself when you honestly keep observing yourself the Z way. It may take months until you suddenly realise how to go about a certain problem in life. Just because all of a sudden you realise how to act now on that problem specifically, don’t assume everything else will automatically fall into it’s place. It may take further time, as is necessary.

For example:
If you were to move your living space to kind of force a change of habit on yourself, like in my own experience, moving to an eco-village away from mobile-phones, ‘bad food’,  sex, drugs among which smoking, drinking and other’s, without at home being able to not do them. So the habit of being free from what is supposedly so bad wasn’t there yet, and yet I thought that simply moving away from my problems would make them stop as if by magic. This can only grow over time, if anything truly needs to go. When presented with the chance of partaking in what I want to run away from, I didn’t say no. Ohh low and behold how falsely squeakily clean I was there. Hence change goes slowly. The act of moving out of your usual living space to say another country and home, does allow yourself to gain different experiences than you would at home. So it was still a very important experience, probably even a catalytic experience to change in a way closer to myself.

Genuine change is when I don’t recognise myself in what I do. That I am surprised at how I handle a certain situation, whereas before my X’s that compromise my Identity were/ are holding me back, having weight over my actions.

What is then the most stable way to change?
One that you force yourself on? … X
One you run away from? … X

Or one that settles in naturally, even with many X’s still active within you, just because they are active. Z understands X and Y, but does Z anyway.
Everything that I accept not to be able to know for sure about, is made unconscious. Stops being an X for me. Why life, God, Soul and all those other weighty matters.
To strive for/ against X is probably the ultimate X.

X’s turned Unconscious or how to live according to one’s own needs living with other Alive Beings:

In general life there are many categories that all might benefit from some scrutiny. Just because I write what I have come to experience as going better unconsciously, more honestly, more true to myself doesn’t mean that you have to or will see it right away as such for yourself. Just because the principal focus is letting X’s and Y’s go unconscious, which is quite a compassionate thing for the other balls walking around. Neither does it mean that you will turn out to be like that too. We are all different and as such we will have different ways of living.  The way I experienced this is, that when someone told me something that in one way or another seemed logical, I didn’t really do them, until life convinced me on it’s own, with patience of their veracity and need in my life. That more or less goes on it’s own, albeit honesty is very likely necessary for this.
Just because a problem appears in your life, doesn’t mean it has no reason of existence. Allow it to exist.

Categories that have a need for scrutiny are Hygiene:

Keep your body hair between your legs, for they protect you of sexually transmittable diseases.
For men, don’t wash your penis under the skin with soap, but only water.
After every urination, clean penis with water.
Soap only those parts of your body that get dirty: armpits, front and back of genital space not inside of genital space, hands, teeth (with toothpaste) and your toes and feet.
The rest of the body needs not be lathered with soap, water will suffice.
Hair can be cleaned with soap or something similar once a week, for the rest water works fine. Transition may take time, when you wash hair every day. Those fats on your scalp are important.
Taking a proper pooper is done squatting, not while sitting on your toilet as if it’s a normal seat. Our muscles that do the pooping are straightened out optimally when squatting, not while sitting. As a workaround try to lift your heels up enough that your body is half squatting.
These are things I can sum up right out of my head. The details I can’t. Other more peculiar parts are maybe better for you to discover on your own, in which lies a lot of joy. The discoveries you make yourself.

Helping others:

Just because helping others looks logically to help, most often you can’t see beneath, what your actions do in a grander scheme, so you will probably end up seemingly helping people, to hopefully one day find out, such is not the way for you and naturally dropping it again. Letting others carry their own weight. You carrying yours, such is generally best.
Yet as Z, help may still be given, in any situation but there can’t be any second guessing whether you should or shouldn’t. You just do it. Then that kind of help is quite right and necessary.

You and other’s:

You neither bow to other’s nor other’s to you. You take everybody at eye height. It doesn’t mean a lack of respect to not bow. When you sense that other’s act as if you are below them, even unknown to themselves, through Z looking, the right approach will work itself out, when it’s right. The shaking of hands for example, if the other stands, so do you. If they are seated and not about to stand up you sit before you shake hands or greet in other ways. Embracing the same way. From this kind of a mindset, generally a straightforward and honest approach will be found over time towards other people, that includes your own needs from sexuality to social integration. Neither condescending nor licking ass. Treating others in this regard equally, even though from a dual point of view, many things may seem quite unfair. Showing respect to those that treat you from eye to eye and giving lessons to those that don’t treat you as an equal.

Consumption of everything and sleeping will have to find the right rhythm’s over time and Z ways of looking at them. Over/ under consume until the right rhythm sets in. The right rhythm also takes your own participation, by using your actual conscience.

Conscience:

What conscience do I speak of? The one collectively created and maintained by the large and general public? The right moral ways to live? Or something so inherently personal it only speaks to YOU, yet may still be very strongly intermixed with the aforementioned? Again Z way of looking at conscience.

Not too long ago I suddenly realised I have a Conscience. Can you imagine, me being happy to make this discovery? Very happy, blessed even.

Say what? Blessed to have a conscience? Are you crazy? That weird conscience of ours always talks badly of everything we do. Belittles and leaves nothing unscathed. It hurts every time I hear that voice again. Telling me of how I should behave. Telling me this, and did you hear her? Remember what Tim said… Oh and how I didn’t react because of this and that. How I stepped aside to let life flow past me instead of setting myself in the flow of letting unknown, new things in my life, instead of sickly holding on to old dead me. How could I be happy with all that negativity.

Well you need to be able to know first of all quite a lot of your conscience, and the right friends to open your eyes to said beauty. So thank you for that.
It never shuts up until I die. I may drown that voice to nothingness with drugs and other things. I may even begin listening to my conscience, even with drugs and so on. My conscience feeling nothing against this use.
My conscience is like the best tool to get to know my actual self, in the moment, when I CAN act. Not after the fact, because that’s when a lot of hurt begins, after the fact. Yet even from this again, you learn of your X’s and Y’s. To be able to drop them later on. Strength is dropping or making unconscious X’s and Y’s. Listening to your conscience.

You may say, yes I could have listened back then already, but YOU DIDN’T. That’s just not what you did do. It hurts but that’s still true. So back then, no you didn’t and thus you couldn’t. Right now you may come to learn to slowly act. Give change the time to fully change, instead of just slightly and then considering it’s over said and done. That’s very hurtful to what you actually do, and stops the change already happening, until it can go on changing. Misrepresenting your own actions is the reason change stops.

Closer study of Infinity and Ouroboros and their wrong mixing:

Ouroboros is a snake biting it’s own tail.

What do Ouroboros and Infinity mean for you?

Before you read on get a very clear, or as clear as you can image of what you think about that.

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Ouroboros bites it’s own tail. It doesn’t just bite into itself, it will continue eating it’s own tail. It can only do that as long as the whole body isn’t in it’s belly, thus it can’t go on eating forever. For infinity. Ouroboros is a finite symbol. It is very much linked with X’s and Y’s. Y’s and X’s eat themselves up if you honestly look at them in as much of a Z way as you can.

Whatever you think you know about infinity and endless possibility… Scratch it. There is no way of fathoming that. Render it in any way in your brain that gets it to a reasonable expression. You can’t know the truth about infinity or endless possibility.
I often found out for myself the more I limited my actions, but finished what I have begun. Not looking for too many different things to do day to day, I actually would not end up leaving things unfinished. The more I left unfinished my whole life and creative expression got immensely blocked, as to almost completely come to a stop-still. Learn, don’t blame. I can’t personally have chaos in my living surroundings if I want to sensibly do my actual self in a Z way. Unfinished projects, like dishes, cleaning, cooking, home projects and so on, collected more of these and more of these. In such a way that some corners of your home become so blocked that your head is too.

A blocked head is among the worst crimes you can do to yourself. These blockages invade your whole life. When things don’t flow smoothly… look around you.
Sometimes these blockages have to set in. I’m telling you this for when it’s appropriate, that you begin layering your blocks out again. If you haven’t done this over say a period of 5 till 10 years, consider for a second, how many parts of your life have changed over that time. But what has changed hasn’t left your life, by being thrown out or better arranged, for a smoother flow at home, what kind of a back log that is. How hardly you hold on to your dead self…

That is why everything you have in your home, your possessions is you, inconceivably linked with who and what you are.

For example, you wanna be musician, gardener, yoga instructor, writer, theatre artist, singer, Michelin star cooker, traveller, collector, teacher, healer, and many more things all in the space of one month… MADNESS.

You need not be an infinite mix of different human sides and aspects. You needn’t talk to everybody. You don’t need to be able to do everything. You can be a plethora of different aspects, but they will likely be spread over years. Some leave and new ones enter, old ones reemerge.

A small glimpse in the future:

Today, or some time in the past, you may have received one small piece of information (from tarot readings, friends, books, or whatever way of aiding to better be able to live now that you are using) that you couldn’t bring to any sense and yet these bits of information keep on reappearing, as if they really have a meaning in your life, but right now you can’t make any sense of them, no matter how much you wait for the answer to appear. No matter how quiet you make yourself. When though this glimpse speaks of the moment, when sufficiently making myself quiet inside, the answer may appear all of a sudden, without forcing myself to look for or find the answer. The Z way.

First of all, have patience. I have received explanations sometimes only months later, through an article sent to me by a friend. Finding the confirmation in the job I might end up doing for a longer period of time. There have been many examples where the answer to something I didn’t understand as of yet appeared when it made sense, looking back.
Looking back, I have the sense that the future too will flow according these unmuteable laws.

I will (to) be fine.

During the time that I didn’t comprehend these hints yet, my mind conjured up many ideas, among which some lead to wonderful experiences I wouldn’t have had any other way as through mis-comprehension.
So probably that mis-comprehension was right for that moment.
It’s not as if you don’t learn about your X’s and Y’s through mis-comprehension too.

So what is the glimpse we get? I won’t know much about the future, as it’s sometimes only a few words, but when the time arrives for these words to come to fruition I am already prepared. I already know how to react, because I got a hint. Some part of my life makes more sense, also that some thing’s didn’t happen for this fruition to happen. The tarot for example thus hasn’t only told me about now, but also about things in the future, just not in a way that I know what the future brings clearly. Only hints, that may give some help when time is right.


In the same sense I hope that this text, you have just read can be one such glimpse for you. When it isn’t so shall it be. I wrote this text more for myself than you, to make sense of some things in my life, bring more clarity to my own thoughts in the head. Do some spring cleaning. Making the space ready for the next thoughts to appear, flexibly versed to deal with accordingly.

Part 1 of this series.
Part 2 of this series.
Part 3 of this series.
Part 4 of this series.
Part 5 of this series.
Part 6 of this series.
Part 7 of this series.

Express Your-Self

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