Continuation of post Nr. 3
This is very likely the hardest recognition to make (Harder through, than what came before?), so far in my experience at least, because I kind of more or less already know what I have to do and what not, since 5 till 7 years. I know of possibilities, but most I left to wither, so I didn’t really know enough apparently. The knowledge that I let chances wither, is also just knowledge, nothing more nor less but as such it still will have to be recognised. If the possibility becomes internalised or unconscious, doesn’t that actually make it easier to just do it. Making ideas and precepts unconscious is the only place from where the body already functions. That is made unconscious, as in self propagating a style of life that feeds further changes in the same kind of direction, a certain aim. An aim that also makes the chance to see more of these crystallisations on the inside of the ball that hinder this aim. This unconscious in a way needs to be trained, to take over body, mind and emotion. Knowing we are all from the same source, is also just mental knowledge, whether it be true or not.
This aim has two opposite poles: First, our relation to the outside and how we react to the changing outside. Second is how we ACT with all this understanding. ACT on the inside! We can wait for input from the outside, but it just lies on the outside. Input, the word itself says it all. It’s not output that makes you behave as if you had an input. From the outside we have output (contact to the outside, communication in all its diversity) and from all this we can create our input (contact to the inside). All input does is work with what’s inside of your body, is your body. The actions are only the result. I need to find, understand, create, use and maintain my own input. As long as I keep this all a theory myself, first of all I can’t sell it as this is what will help you yourself. It can only be a theory, with very small wins in this direction, because that is more or less what all that you may have tried before is all about. For we only speak of models. The actual practice has to be your own. Just so you know, how much effort it really takes to change behaviour that might seem from the outside completely mundane. This text is the hope, wish I have, to depend more over time on this inside, from my own force, lust for life, passion to be. As a self actualising spell. Writing for example I find easier as creating my own art. I have spent more hours on writing than creating art and when I do make art I am quickly detained, doing something else again. At least writing can be an art form. If I release a book, then first of all, I need to live by my own words, which at present I don’t fully do yet. I though without a doubt am endeavouring in that one direction. I am capable and able to reach it.
How do I push on, through this inertia?
Just because I simply know what I can/ should do, doesn’t mean that I actually do it.
Knowledge only in the brain is in this sense to the utmost useless. The brain doesn’t move all that much if you get what I mean. Yes the brain can squish a bit, more or less blood can flow through it. If you get perceptible enough you may even feel your own brain shrinking and growing, but that’s about it. This same knowledge needs to settle in your emotions and in the wisdom of your body. If though your emotions ain’t got the freedom to be themselves, your body to be itself, how can there be a sane and healthy communication as a team between mind, emotion and body? (The kind of freedom I mention in the first post.) All the work before you are able to work from the inside is just as important as this step in your own development in becoming more alive, more authentic.
With the previous post I endeavour in the direction of the many points on the outside that still might need addressing. Addressing in such a way that they won’t be what detains you in say 2 years. So it is about being able to react to the changing outside, while still having a more or less coherent sense of self and maintaining this same sense continually. For me that means for example a less chaotic living environment. Some thrive in chaos apparently. All of these although they begin on the outside of me, are only on the outside of me. We need to dig deeper than this. All of those problems pivot around waiting for the outside to solve my problems. You don’t begin solving this problem right away, especially if you hardly know yourself.
You’d probably begin attacking that hazy image you have created of yourself. Half what you could do, and half what you should do, a third of what you do, and a hundredth part of what the outside does… Or so more or less the story goes.
A problem is often, that you can’t accept the changes happening around you, because we don’t like change. Sameness is more pleasant. So there is the problem of being able to face, bear and grow from what changes on the outside. You can’t negate that either. Just letting everything change and as a consequence I change with what changes on the outside, still doesn’t give everything life has as a possibility to offer, at least to my experience. You can very well live like that your whole life, but I am alive, or at least I could be. Being too complacent in a way means, what you feel you could do right now is not important enough, so we sit on our ass. Just moving about because it seems helpful either doesn’t cut the steak. We thus need the right kind of stars that guide us, our own personal stars, that only exist in our globe, merging with the liquids flowing through the globe. Those same liquids then flowing in the moment through the ball, where we can come upon other balls. As navigation is often done at night, where you and I presently likely are, in the sense of self development, we need guiding stars. In our globe these are formed through looking at our own actual behaviour, thoughts and emotions the Z way.
I was born in the northern hemisphere where the north star points north, very easily. On the other side of the hemisphere there isn’t just one star that points at the south, you first need to find the pointer stars, that show you the four stars that together shape the southern cross, which over imaginary lines show where on the earthen surface south is. Click on the picture below, that leads to the website, where that picture is from and better information regarding the finding of south. The northern star is the more easy one? … Depends on how you look at it but more about that later.
This I will liken to contact to the outside, for there isn’t just one person you talk to, interact with. There are plants, animals, all sorts of people, weather, time, hunger and sleep. There are a huge multitude of other planets, suns, galaxies and milky ways. There is family, friends, work, money, sex and all these other nifty things. The outside is already very good at deterring us, so unless we are able to stay with ourselves more or less independent of what’s happening outside of us, how then do you think, to be of a strong foot with yourself and all your multitudes of different, minute parts that constitute your personal sense of self, your globe and ball? What is already hard at the outside of us, is even harder on the inside of us, for there is still only us and not a very visible differentiated outside. So first we get to know our bearings, our surroundings, our outside and from there we actually truly begin working on the inside. Work inside should grow with the extent of the work outside of you done, not the other way around. Work on the outside can be seen to change through the impressions (not of the senses, but the way your senses make an impression on you) you receive, the thoughts and emotions you have.
Each of these stars can be likened to human relations, the world you live on and the planetary influences. The pointer stars are the books you read or people you talk to, that help you at better forming your own stars in your globe. You could say you don’t need books, because there are still people living ‘primitively’ in tune to nature and so on. If that’s your case, then I fully agree, but if it ain’t? Having put the stars according to the right aim, we can change of hemisphere, to the other pole.
The northern star is only one star, as such this star can be likened to the breaking away from this inner inertia. I for sure have to put it there myself. From my own sweat and blood. The Northern star isn’t something that you just follow and drop all responsibility. It is put in your globe and slowly over time you ignite it to shine brighter. Over time as your ball grows, and the crystals inside are burst open again to fall back in the liquids, you have to first create and constantly maintain that star and as well keep on looking for further things that have outlived their time within you.
For the creation of your own southern cross and northern star, growing your ball and creating these stars are two different kinds of internal actions. They both go in the same direction but are different ways of interacting with yourself on the inside. For example every night replaying your activities of the day could be seen as slowly creating your North star. I haven’t really done that and yet I have achieved a lot of things inside of myself, regardless of that. Looking at myself the Z way, has many benefits.
This is the contact to the inside. It mustn’t only be pleasant. It can be work just like any other too. Complacency is the enemy in this sense. The growth of crystals on the inside of your ball, that grew when your ball grew is the food to create your North Star. Only you can create your own North star, because it is you who lives. I don’t live your life. I already have enough problems following my own star, I don’t need yours as an added weight. Hence why a lot of problems on the outside, some make into their fake Northern Stars, just ain’t the real deal, why I don’t really care any more about most earthly, and manly problems. When I act on my own believe, what I got to worry about? If you don’t, is that really my problem? Or is it only blaming the outside, still not having my own Northern star?
This is truly the point where words lose their meaning. They might bring you up to this point, but here is where truly all you have learned before, unlearned, found peace with and so on, must be put to practice on the inside.
If my Northern star is to become my beacon of light, my way of life, in regard to this star, there exists a personal relational good and bad. This is also very important, because if everything is one, there is no need to scrutinise between actions, for you automatically always do the right thing. If you are honest, do you feel, sense that you are always doing the right thing? Do you feel in control in relation to your Northern Star? If No is your answer, then the creation of your own Northern star has been made imperative.
To be able forthwith to sail whether it be dark or light in our beautiful night sk-EYE.